11 Things I am Grateful for in 2015

4 Jan

Seated at home thinking through my 2015 and all that I have experienced through the year! All I can say is it is been a great year and I am grateful to God for the gift of life I lived in 2015. I am a strong believer in the principle of praying in private and testifying publicly of the Lord’s Goodness to me. Having gone through 2015, I have seen the hand of God and how He has saved and provided for me and my family through the hills and valleys of life. I just can not thank Him enough. I still do not get it how some folks gather courage to even start claiming that there is no God.

But anyway I just want to share with you all 11 things, I am grateful to God for/that He has done for me and my family in 2015. I hope you are blessed to give thanks to the Lord for the great year 2015 has been to you to.

  1. Father: In April, 2015, my wife and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. This automatically made me a father. My daughter is now close to 9 months old and my life has never been the same again, I must say because of this experience I appreciate my parents better and of course I am a proud father to my daughter. I am grateful to God for this responsibility that He has bestowed upon me to act in His shoes as the  earthly father to this great princess.
  2. My family survived car accident: In October, 2015 my wife while driving our daughter to her school had a head-on collision with a taxi and our car was completely finished off. Seeing both my wife and daughter alive is a real miracle because on accessing the state of car at the accident scene, one could hardly believe anyone alive could have come out of the car. We are grateful to God for the extra life that He has given to us as a family.
  3. Friends and family: In October, 2015 when my wife and daughter had an accident we only had 200,000/= (USD 60) to spend as a family since it was about two days to pay day all over a sudden the medical bills shot through the roof as my wife had to undergo surgery and was bedridden in hospital and we had not yet paid for her insurance. The total medical bills totalled up to over 15,000,ooo/= (Approx USD 5,000). We did not have any money on us apart from the little savings we had been making at our church SACCO but thanks to friends and family who generously gave towards this cause, we were able to raise money way beyond this amount and I can testify that by the time we left hospital every bill was cleared to the dot. We are grateful to God for you all our family and friends. May He abundantly bless you more in 2016.
  4. “New” Job: At the beginning of the year, my workplace had been suspended by our major donor because of suspected fraud. All our jobs were on line. Now since we were expecting to have a baby in April, as the head of my home a lot of pressure was on me as not only did we have to cover the hospital bill but also because of the new member our home bills were going to rise. I used to religiously read the Monday New Vision and Friday Monitor and kept applying for the different job but nothing really came through. And kept on praying to God to see me through the situation. In April a few days to the birth of my daughter, my organization was cleared of the fraud investigations and we were able to sign new better paying contracts with the organization. I was able to get my job back with better pay and better terms and conditions. I am grateful to God for clearing us and for getting my job back.
  5. New partners: I always do some freelance work in addition to my ordinary job. In 2015, I was able to get work from some new partners including the Uganda Communications Commission, ERIKS Development Partner and many others. Working with all these new partners was a great opportunity for me and I am grateful to God who always looks out for me and provides such opportunities.
  6. 2 new companies: One of my goals for 2015 was to start doing business legally so last year I was able to register to companies that I am hoping to move forward in 2016 to make them profitable. I am grateful to God for the favour I experienced through the process and all the people who expedited this process.
  7. New Leadership positions: Besides becoming a father, I was able attain various new leadership positions in the different communities I belong to. One special community I treasure is my Church, Deliverance Church Makerere Hill. Late last year, I was ordained as a Deacon in charge of Media, Communication and Creative Arts and in Deacon in charge of Singles. This is a great honour to serve the body of Christ in these two positions.
  8. MBA: In August, 2015, I enrolled for my MBA at Uganda Martyrs University. Grateful to God for the strength and wisdom He gave during this time to successfully complete the application process and for the two exams I have done so far I have been able excel in both.
  9. Matrich Scholarship: My favourite brother, great friend, mentor and business partner Matovu Richard aka Matrich got a scholarship to pursue his PhD last year. I celebrate this because as the last born you always look up to your older brothers for inspiration in various areas of life and this is a great example to me and I am certainly starting to think about pursing one as well.
  10. God’s Providence: As husband and head of my home, one of my key responsibilities is to ensure my family is well taken care of and provided for, throughout 2015 I have some challenging times especially after the delivery of my daughter as well as the accident my wife experienced however despite these would be set back, God has continously provided for us and our financial position is still great.
  11. The Tibarokokas: Through the tough times of 2015, many friends and families covered us with love, support and financial contributions however there is one specific family I can not fail to recognize i.e. the Tibarokoka family. They took us in when we had our first born and literally taught us how to take care of a child, they also took us when my wife had an accident and have helped us going the tough times and treatment process for people like these we can not pay them back but thank God for bringing such people into our lives. They have truly exhibited God’s love to us. May God richly bless this family.

All is all, 2015 was a great year for me and my family. We have experienced tremendous growth in life generally. Without tough times you can never experience true growth in life, having got a taste of these we have grown beyond what we had expected.

Have you experienced any growth in 2015? Did you overcome some things in 2015? Are there things you are grateful for? Please feel free to share your list in the comments section below:

Achieve Your Dreams: 2 of My Great Secrets

3 Aug

Allan in Brazil

As a young boy studying primary school in a rural district in Uganda, I had a dream to travel around the world; to study the world and make a meaningful contribution to the world. This did not look possible at the time as having been born in a family of 8; having a teacher as my father we could not have money for luxurious travels to simply experience the world. As a young man, I set out to be different. Studying from a rural school and not having the money at that time could not stop my dream, I knew I had to think and act differently if I was to achieve this dream.

As I write this piece, I have just concluded a very successful training and speaking engagement in Brazil today (31st July, 2015) and I have tears rolling down my eyes seeing how far the Lord has brought me and by age 26, I have been able to travel to 5 of the 7 continents of the world without me or my parents ever paying for any of these trips (Ps. I am only left with Australia and Antarctica).

Earlier this week, a great friend of mine wrote to me asked me. How are you able to do it? How have you been able to travel and attract all these global invitations at such a young age? The answers lie in two great secrets:

  1. The first secret lies in wisdom one of my mentors told me. He said: “In all your life, do not seek money but rather seek to become a person of value and then all the things you want in your life will come following you.” He also said, “To become a person of value you must study the world’s problems and provide solutions to them.” Since then I dedicate the biggest part of my life to studying the world’s problems and most of my thinking is geared towards solving these problems to make the world a better place to live in.
  1. The second secret lies in a quotes, my dad often uses i.e. “Beyond what you know is whom you know.” At all the times I have travelled with my dad, I noticed how deliberate he was at establishing global friends and contacts. These are very essential for anyone who wants to have global impact. I came to learn this from him and at every given opportunity, I am always looking for ways of establishing contacts with different people in different countries as I know this will expand my reach.

As a reader, I hope these two words of wisdom will help you expand your reach so you can achieve some of your global dreams too. Personally with all the knowledge, skills and experience I have gathered in the different parts of the world I have been able to travel to, I now know it is time to get into business to continue my struggle of providing solutions to the problems our world is facing as I achieve my personal dreams to travel and change the world.

Business and Faith in God – Lessons from Dr. Myles Munroe

17 Nov

Now, there is a common notion that business and faith in God do not mix, in fact some people think that God hates business and does not want to do anything with with it. Some Christians may even go ahead to quote several scriptures in justification of this. Some of the common scriptures quoted in this regard include:

1. 1 Timothy 6:10. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.

2.  Matthew 6:24… You cannot serve both God and Money.

However, on a closer look at these two scriptures, these people clearly miss the for. The first scripture says “the love of money” and not money itself. The love of money is different from money itself. The second scripture is better understood when you look at the scripture more closely. In a number of bible translations the word money in this scripture starts with capital M, which is implies that money in this context is being referred as a sort of god or idol. KJV brings it out more clearly. Here is the KJV version: …Ye cannot serve God and mammon.  Read more about mammon here.

Now that we have cleared some past misunderstanding, it is should be clear to us the business is God’s idea and God is very much interested in your business. You can read more about how God wants us to get engaged in business here.

Last year, while on his trip to Uganda, Dr. Myles Munroe spoke about Business Leadership in the 21st Century and gave one of the most eloquent speeches I have ever heard about business, below are some of the notes I picked up from his session:

Problems are very good things because they are the source of all businesses.

Business is simply the exchange of Product for value, Service for value, Ideas for value, Talent for value, Knowledge for value, Program for value, and Solutions for value. Therefore business is simply solving problems for value.

Your Value

  • If you want to be successful, do not seek success, seek to become a person of value and you will never be broke.
  • Value is making yourself significant by refining your gift
  • You do exploits and increase your value by pursuing knowledge
  • Become a consultant in your area
  • You are a walking business
  • You get what you negotiate

Your gift

  • Your gift is personal but never private
  • Whatever vision God gives you, you can do
  • Your deployment creates employment

The foundations of wealth as recorded in Genesis 2:9-12. 

  • Agriculture (Fruit & Food)
  • Water
  • Gold
  • Resin (Oil, Fuel)
  • Onyx (Precious stones)

The primary assignment from Genesis 1:26-28, God gave man

  • Dominion over resources
  • Management of the earth’s resources
  • Extension of the culture of Heaven & Earth
  • Divine strategy

The greatest secret

  • Every human being came to earth with a treasure of greatness to deliver to their generation
  • You were born with treasure of greatness that your generation needs
  • You were born with treasure. Do not die with your treasure
  • The greatest secret to success is discovery of your personal treasure

Wow, what a breadth of insight that was shared in this session. Truly the world is going to miss Dr. Myles Munroe however we choose to move on in life choosing to trust in the God he served who gave him all this insight. If he could give it to Munroe then surely He can give us even more.

6 great lessons to learn from Myles Munroe

13 Nov

Myles-Munroe1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When God spoke to me about 3 years ago that we are in a time of transition from the Moses to Joshua generation, it never made sense as it is hard to understand the magnitude of such a revelation. This Monday 10/11/14 I woke up to shocking news of the death of my mentor and spiritual father Dr. Myles Munroe and as I was asking God how this could have happened, a friend of mine reminded me of this prophetic message. Here is the message he sent me (paraphrased):

“Sorry for the loss of our father my friend, I feel that Lord is saying it is time for us to apply what we have learnt from Dr. Myles Munroe. I feel the Lord is saying Joshua 1:5-10”

Joshua 1:5-10 says “No one shall be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.  Be strong and courageous; for you shall put this people in possession of the land that I swore to their ancestors to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to act in accordance with all the law that my servant Moses commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, so that you may be successful wherever you go. This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth; you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to act in accordance with all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall be successful. I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Then Joshua commanded the officers of the people,  “Pass  through the camp, and command the people: “Prepare your provisions; for in three days you are to cross over the Jordan, to go in to take possession of the land that the Lord your God gives you to possess.’ “

Now this was so powerful and given the circumstances that this happened immediately after Moses had died, I knew perfectly that God was telling me what He had told me earlier and I now realize that God was serious and will bring to pass that which He has promised.

The second part of the prophesy was that He told me and those of my generation to prepare to take over. Preparation calls our generation to go back to the basics of the Kingdom of God i.e. Prayer, fasting, evangelism, discipleship and fellowship with one another.

Now back to the main point of this article.

It is hard to summarize or write about the impact and/or lessons we have learnt from Dr Myles Munroe as they are enormous and I certainly know there a number of tapes and messages I have not listened to so there quite many more lesson for me to learn however let me take off time to sum up the lessons below. These lessons are both from his messages as well as my reflections on his life.

1. Leadership

Leadership was at the core of Dr. Myles Munroe’s ministry. It is his conviction (which I also believe in personally) that every single individual living on planet earth was born a leader. He would go on to say we were create to leaders over people but rather over an area of gifting. It is with this conviction that he taught extensively on leadership with the hope that many people especially in the third world will be transformed from followers to leaders and that leaders do not just sit to enjoy privileges but they are also transformed into change agents. His desire to have all humans achieve their true potential so that we all die empty.

2. Mentor-ship

Just like Jesus Christ, Munroe taught that the very first act of a leader was to find his replacement. Just like Jesus Christ every leader must pro-actively seek out to find his replacement right at the start of his leadership. This is simply because much as a vision is given to an individual, God gives the vision so that it can benefit the entire world therefore it would selfish for any leader to think a vision is his alone. Jesus recruit 12 replacements who spread his vision and more than 2000 years later it still lives on. I have no doubt that with all the mentees Munroe had developed his vision for the world will live on for the generations to come. As leaders we learn from him that we must pro-actively look for our replacements and mentor them.

3. Bible is about a Kingdom not a religion

One of the greatest questions I asked myself when I began reading the Bible was that why is there no mention of any of the common religions we grew up hearing in the Bible. I have never seen protestant, catholic, moslem etc, all I see consistently is the Kingdom of God and we see God addressed as a King, Lord and lots of other titles. However since we have grown up in an era where kingdoms are diminishing and we are experiencing democracies all over the world we could easily forget this. Myles Munroe is the first preacher I heard speak eloquently about the Kingdom of God and not religions and how a Kingdom operates. I believe Myles Munroe was a gift to our generation specifically to enable us realise that the Bible and God’s ultimate desire is to recognize Him as King and worship Him as He desires. In case you need details on this, you need to check out His Kingdom Principles series, you will be amazed and will certainly stop thinking religiously but start thinking Kingdom wise.

4. Live as an ambassador of the Kingdom

We all know that “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke. One of the key things I always admired about Dr. Munroe was that he never just sat down and kept quiet when evil was being done in his nation. A good example is a recent article he release to the press this November on homosexuality. He knew his role as a kingdom ambassador and did not just keep quite when evil people plotted evil schemes but always gave the message from our King concerning the several contentious issues in his nation and the world at large. We learn from Him that we need to influence the earth with Heaven’s culture. This is what we mean when we pray your Kingdom come and your will be done.

5. He lived what he preached

You know we have many preachers but barely have people who practice what they preach. Dr. Myles Munroe was a multi gifted speaker. He spoke on a wide range of topics including leadership, singleness, God and the Kingdom of God, marriage etc. Dr. Myles was one of the few preachers who literally practised what he preached. In terms of marriage he worked together with his wife in the ministry, she was his helper beyond home to work as well, in terms of leadership he lived out the principles he preached, in terms of achieving potential he lived out his life’s dream and achieved full potential in fact he went from being a broke boy living in a slumish area in Bain town to owning a private jet, he had global influence in various areas including advising and providing consultancies to presidents all over the world. He indeed was not just a sweet talker but actually did what he preach. This is a great principle to learn from him.

6. Singleness vs Unmarried

Dr. Myles Munroe is the only preacher I have heard speak eloquently and accurately about singleness and unmarriedness the exact way the Bible teaches about these topics. Now, I have people often times confuse loneliness for singleness. Myles is the first person I heard come strongly to distinguish between these two. The Bible clearly stipulates that its not good for a man to be alone and not… its not good for a man to be single. So we need to get the truth out there. The Bible also teaches that it is better to remain unmarried so we can serve God whole heartedly… now this does not mean it is bad to be married but it says it is better… however many of us in the church are rebuking and making out friends who are unmarried uncomfortable. This tragedy saddens my heart a lot. This is not because I do not enjoy my marriage but rather because as a church we are not teaching the truth that our Master teaches in the Bible. The great lesson to learn from Dr. Myles here is we should teach what God teaches us in the Bible and not follow what we feel is desirable.

Finally I have just read an interview of Dr. Myles Munroe about the present state and future of the Church that I believe will help pick some more lessons from Dr. Myles Munroe . You can read it here as well. In deed we are privileged to have lived in the same time as Dr. Myles Munroe and need to study his work extensively to learn the truths about the life on earth that God revealed through him.

Ultimately, we learn a lot of great lessons from Myles Munroe’s teachings and life drawn from God’s Word and Revelation. He taught extensively in many areas of life. As time goes on I will be sharing more on these pertinent topics and many other lessons we can learn from his life.

Myles Munroe – I will dearly miss you

10 Nov

Myles and Ruth Munroe

It is with a heavy heart and deep sadness that I write about my mentor and father who went to be with the Lord this morning. This morning, I woke up to very sad news of the death of Dr. Myles Munroe, his wife Ruth Ann Munroe, His Senior Vice-President Dr. Richard Pinder, Newly installed Youth Pastors Lavard and Radel Parks and their son Johannan, Pilots Stanley Thurston and Farkhan Cooper and one additional passenger in a plane crush at the Grand Bahama Airport. To the world, you may have simply lost a preacher, pastor or business partner but to me I have lost a mentor and father. I bless the Lord for his life and legacy, he totally touched my heart.

I first got to watch Dr. Myles Munroe on TV after I lost my brother in February, 2011. His message gave me hope and helped me rediscover my purpose in life even when my family and I were going through a very tough time. Since then I have listened and watched thousands of messages that he has recorded over his lifetime. Myles Munroe and his entire ministry have not just been a source of inspiration to me but they restored hope in me, enabled me to discover the leader in me, challenged me to think of myself as a greater individual than I thought I was, and encouraged me to pursue my purpose in life. My life totally changed when I started listening to him.

Before his death, my dream was to meet him and I managed to meet and listen to him personally last year when he came over to Uganda as I celebrated my wife’s birthday and Uganda celebrated 51 years of independence.

Ringing in my mind right now are constant things I have heard from him that keep ringing in my mind. These include:

  • Trapped in every follower is a leader however you have to become the leader you were created to be.
  • Leadership is not ruling over people but over a gift.
  • Your future is not ahead of you, it is trapped inside of you.
  • The richest place on this planet is not the oil fields, mines etc but rather the grave yard.
  • Ultimately in life we should strive to die empty.

And very many other phrases, Myles Munroe has been a role model, inspiration, father, mentor and an icon I have learnt from ever since I came into contact with him. My family and I will great miss him however the immense life lessons we have learnt from him will never depart from me.

Last November, I officially signed up for his mentorship program and learnt a lot from it. At the end of the program we were asked to create our life plans. It is so sad that this November, he has left the earth but one thing I am grateful for is that as a son he has left me behind with a vision and life plan for my life and when I work through it successfully his full impact of my life will be fulfilled.

This Saturday, another young man walked up to me and asked me to mentor him. He told me that he looks up to me and would want me to enable him be successful in his life. What this young man said to me touched my heart and took me back to the days when I have no purpose and barely anyone to look up to learn about God, principles of life, excellence, true leadership, vision and maximising potential in life. I pledge to continue the work the Lord Jesus Christ started, passed it on to people like Dr. Myles and now has been passed on to us to equip the next generation with these time-tasted principles.

I mourn with the Bahamas Faith Ministries, Munroe family, International Third World Leaders Association and all the other friends and partners. Dr. Myles and Mrs. Ruth Munroe will be dearly missed but I am certain his work is not going to die as he has mentored many of us to take over from him.

Bye bye Dr. Myles Munroe see you in Heaven and back on earth when our Lord Jesus Christ comes back and reconstructs it.

Impact Conference 2014 – You are invited!!!

2 Oct

impact 14facebk

Every November the body of Christ gathers at Deliverance Church Makerere Hill to be refreshed and revitalized so they can have impact in the different places God has called them to influence.

This year the Impact Conference will be happening from 3rd – 9th November, 2014 at Deliverance Church Makerere Hill from 5:30 PM – 8:30 PM. The theme for this year’s conference is “Aligning to the Seasons of God” extracted from Acts 17:16-21, 17:22-33, Job 19:25-27,
Luke 12:54 and  Daniel 11:32. 

The earthy temporary seasons are rooted and have their origin in heavenly agenda or in heavenly seasons. To put it in another way, “the visible physical times are often a reflection of spiritual truth.” These are not seasons in terms of weather and climatic changes but in terms of God’s priorities and highlights in accomplishing earthly events in partnership with his appointed steward and governor of the earth – Man. The weather and climatic changes are at his disposal to
use in serving his purpose.

It is therefore a prudent requirement of man if we’re to get to our destiny in God to be prepared to be a people who walk in the spirit. These and more truths will be revealed at the Impact Conference 2014.  

The Speakers for this year’s conference will be Bishop Dr. John Brown Masinde from Deliverance Church Umoja and Dr. James Magara from Uganda.

jb 2

Bishop John Brown Masinde is a contemporary, charismatic bible teacher and a high impact motivational speaker, who encourages believers to reach their destiny and purpose here on earth while maintaining an eternal perspective. He carries an apostolic anointing that is well received in many countries, and has spoken and facilitated at many International Conferences including previous sessions of Impact Conference.

james magara

Dr. James Magara is a dentist by training and has for the last 20 years run one of Uganda’s top dental practices. He is an insightful prophetic teacher with a passion for prayer. In recent years he has been at the helm of the prayer movement in Uganda stirring up the body of Christ through Intercessors for Uganda and Uganda Jubilee Network to pray for the manifestation of Gods kingdom in all spheres of life. He is deeply involved in leadership training with a goal to raise up servant leaders to influence the nation for God. He holds a masters degree in organisational leadership and is currently pursuing a Phd in leadership. He has mentored several national leaders. He worships with Deliverance Church  Makerere Hill where he sits on the Elders board.

Attendance to the conference is free of charge.  Please Mark of these dates (3rd – 9th November, 2014) and make plans to be there.

5 Lessons/Tips From My One Year in Marriage

8 Aug

Allan and Hansa

 

So TODAY, 8th August, 2014, Hansa and I celebrate one year in marriage and in an era where we have seen marriages break up even before they make 6 months of marriage it is worth celebrating the ONE Year anniversary. WOW, it feels like we just got married yesterday.

As has always been the habit, I always take a few lessons from my life experiences and so has been with this one; now I know some of you who may have gotten married way earlier than me must be saying hmmm… this guy has only spent one year and he is writing about marriage but hey.. what good is all the knowledge you have learnt if you don’t share it so others can learn from you experiences and not make the same mistakes. Anyway let me go ahead and share my lessons that I have learnt. Here we go:

1. Get rid of your fantasies, ideologies and cultures.

Before you get married, you have fantasies of what marriage is like and of course you get advice from people who have been married telling you what to do when but one thing you come to learn when you are actually married is that most of the fantasies may or may not work out and the knowledge passed either culturally does not work especially since marriage has evolved from the times of our fathers. We no longer have women staying at home and therefore it takes an understanding spouse to start making adjustments to suit the current times. I will give an example. Some of the advice I received was that “men do not enter the kitchen or even worse cook”, “you have to divide up roles you earn for the family and she does all the work at home”, “never ask for your wife’s money”. I have found most of such advice false and not applicable to our setting in fact in my case none of it works, I have on very many occasions found myself in the Kitchen cooking and my wife enjoys many of my meals, we share roles but often times rotate the roles and it works perfect for our marriage, we share financial knowledge and often times share bills etc. My huge lesson has been that since marriages have evolved we need to evolve as well and get rid of the ideologies that may have worked for our father because clearly… TIMES have changed and as such we must also change otherwise the marriage may crash you down.

I guess the big lesson for me and my wife has been that for us to be successful and spend more years together, we MUST be in control and build our marriage. It is OUR DECISIONS that influence how we should act and not our past, fantasies or even the cultures being passed on to us so we have developed our own principles and there are the ones we use to run our marriage and not necessarily our parents principles or that older couple’s principles. We learn from the experienced people but we do not copy and paste what they have done in their marriage.

2. True love as your spouse will feel it.

One of the most recommended books on marriage is the Five Love Languages by Garry Chapman. I would certainly recommend that anyone getting married or married and hasn’t read it should read it and apply the principles taught in it. I have observed that many of us as we love our spouses, we like to love them the way we feel loved e.g. if we love gifts, we think that our spouse will feel loved if we give them gifts. Unfortunately, if your spouse’s love language is not one of gifts then you just missed, they will feel nothing. I have learnt that as a husband, I need to study my wife and understand their language and then focus my energies on showing her my love through her love language and not mine. This will simplify your work as a spouse and I believe if we all focused on studying our partner’s love language and loved them using it, we would have less situations in our marriage where our partner does not feel loved and it would actually make them feel loved.

3. Define your own Financial footprint

I define one’s financial footprint as the way an individual handles money i.e. how they spend it, invest it, save it etc. The biggest influencer of our financial footprint are the families we grown up in. In most cases, you will find that if someone grew in a family where they used to host a lot of family gathering, they will ideally expect that when they start their own family such a trend should follow or where they never invest, you will barely see them investing any of the income they receive as a family.

The worst scenario I have observed are families where the father used to provide all the family finances and the mother spent all her money on her own things and so when a girl grows up from such a family, they expect ALL the bills to be covered by the hubby so that she can use her own money. In my culture this is what they usually refer to as ‘aka sente k’omukyala.’ I believe as I mentioned in my first point that when starting a new family such biases should not be considered. As a new couple, you should define how finances are handled in your new family. You should be able to sit down and agree on how and what to spend on what. I mean if you are able to share your bodies why is it hard to share your finances and how you handle them.

Finances are the second leading causes of divorce after infidelity so it is important for couples to define their own financial footprint in order to protect their marriage.

4. Leadership in marriage

The leadership and headship of the home falls on the man/male, there is no debate about this. God clearly stipulates it in his Word. However, I have learnt through the last one year, that “Leadership is not about the position but rather the function.” Even though my wife often times calls me “Boss”, I have learnt that my role at home is not to boss her around but to provide vision at home, to be the priest, to provide protection and make it feel safe for her and to make it the best place for her so that even when she is away she misses it. The quote below from Dr. Myles Munroe’s book; The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage summaries my thoughts on Leadership and Submission in marriage:

“Submission means that a wife acknowledges her husband’s headship as spiritual leader and guide for the family. It has nothing whatsoever to do with her denying or suppressing her will, her spirit, her intellect, her gifts, or her personality. To submit means to recognize, affirm, and support her husband’s God-given responsibility of overall family leadership. Biblical submission of a wife to her husband is a submission of position, not person hood. It is the free and willing subordination of an equal to an equal for the sake of order, stability, and obedience to God’s design. As a man, a husband will fulfil his destiny and his manhood as he exercises his headship in prayerful and humble submission to Christ and gives himself in sacrificial love to his wife. As a woman, a wife will realize her womanhood as she submits to her husband in honour of the Lord, receiving his love and accepting his leadership. When a proper relationship of mutual submission is present and active, a wife will be released and empowered to become the woman God always intended her to be.” ― Myles Munroe

5. Join/form a marrieds group

Finally one of the most important things that has helped us was the marrieds group we formed/joined. One of the my favourite quotes on friend is:

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ― C.S. Lewis

This is exactly what a married’s group does and has helped us with. We have discovered that for most of the situations we have gone through all the other couples in our group have either gone through them or are actually gone through these. This has helped not only draw comfort from others but also as a group we discuss through the issues and come up with solutions. It also helps us learn from each other’s experiences and share best and worst practices. And as such for the time we have been together I am grateful to my group mates for all the love, friendship and support you have provided to the Kakindas… we are truly grateful.

Finally, All the glory, honor, praise goes back to God, the Lord of the Heavens and the earth, the Author of life  for He has kept us, provided for us, taught us, loved us and been good through it all. As we continue on our marriage journey we promise to ALWAYS keep Him at the Centre our marriage.  Also thanks to my dear wife Hansa, she has done a great job loving me and keeping me in shape for the last one year. I am much smarter, a better decision maker, a great forgiver and much wiser. I am sure many of you who hang around me will testify to this. May God continue to bless you my dear wife.

To all readers I hope this article blesses you and you pick some of these lessons to better your relationships and marriages. I love you all and may God bless you. I am writing my first book on Marriage drawing from my one year experience and hope to share it here. It will be free so no need to worry about the costs of purchasing it.